


Irony

by Marabelline



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Neglect, Two Shot, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 22:08:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14923721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marabelline/pseuds/Marabelline
Summary: "You say to look hard for a solution, but wouldn't that depend on the person? So I could never - no I could never - believe a word anyone says."She's old enough to clean up her act and 'get over it', isn't she? This is normal and she deserves it, right?





	Irony

tHe looks up from over his newspaper and she knows that she won't be able to quietly duck into her room like she could if he's not here. From here, Natsuki can smell the alcohol lingering on his breath. "Eating again, aren't we?"

She clenches her fingers around the granola bar tucked in her hands and looks down, then sheepishly back to her father. "I-it's not that much, Dad. It's just dinner. And you said-"

"-No one likes a girl who stuffs her face like that." He doesn't look up from his three-fourths empty bottle, but his words are a false knowledge that she falls for every time. "You won't be able to get people to like you if you eat that much, dear."

Natsuki feels her stomach growling in protest.  _It's not that much, right? Just a granola bar. It's not like I'm eating cupcakes or anything._

She makes the mistake of looking up from the meal in her hands to her father, giving him the chance to speak. He raises his voice and she almost claps her hands over her ears. "Don't give me  _that_ look, Natsuki. I just want what's best for you, you know, and that's why I bring these things up to you. Besides, everyone else thinks it too."

Natsuki swallows, trying to rid the dryness in her throat. She's not so hungry anymore.

* * *

"Hey look, Kobayashi's here."

Those two girls aren't usually so  _loud_ like this, aren't usually so up front. Whispering behind her back is something she can just swallow down and ignore, but for some reason when they're just a few seats away from her it's harder to block out the things she wishes she doesn't have to hear.

"She's so annoying, isn't she? Tries so hard to act cute when she really just whines too much."

"I know, that girl's sucha nuisance."

She takes out her books, trying as much as she can to try and tune out the chatter she should be used to hearing by now. She tries to stare at the Rikkakuma stickers, half-faded against the polka-dot planner. She tries to stare at the neatly organized pastel gel pens in their pale pink compartments, take out the bunny-patterned mechanical pencil and click it a few times.

"And she gets so  _mad_ about the tiniest things so easily, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, that Kobayashi girl's so obnoxious. She needs to clean up her act and grow up - she can't pretend to be a cutesy little kid anymore with her stupid comics and kiddy clothes."

_Don't listen. Don't listen. You're usually good at this, why are you letting it bother y-_

A sudden yank on her pink hair is what makes her slam her notebook shut and pull away.

"What are you doing?" she accuses the two of them.

The taller one with the freckles sprinkled across her face and cheeks scoffs. " _What_? It was just a silly prank, Kobayashi - you can never take a joke, can you?"

"Well, I don't  _like_ it when you pull on my hair like that."

The girls laugh a little, one of them muttering to herself. She can catch the same words she's heard before and subconsciously embeds them deeper inside her brain. 

Nuisance. Annoying. Bitchy. Try-hard.

She pleads in her head that they won't see the tears starting to fall from her eyes as she opens her planner again and begins to check for the homework she'd done yesterday, but then one of the girls decides to open her mouth again: "Oh, look! She's crying! Just goes to show how much of a little  _kid_ she is, doesn't it?"

She hunches further against her desk, trying to hide her face as she writes things down. Just when she thought that the heaviest things she'd have to carry on her back would be left behind at home, suddenly there are more things that are starting to weigh her down.

* * *

Homeward is a slow walk. Most of the time Natsuki would just take the bus home, but today's different. First, the last of the money she has was spent on the food she didn't even get to eat because it would make her too  _fat_ , too  _ugly,_ too  _unwanted_. Second, she likes walking home better than the bus because it's more time she doesn't have to be home. Sometimes if he gets there first he'll start to raise his voice, but most of the time her dad is too busy with work and spends too much time away from home to be there. She hopes it'll be one of those evenings.

"Bye, MC. Bye, Sayori." He stands on his tiptoes so that he'll tower over her even more than he already does and ruffles her hair a little. It's not a painful tug like the girls from earlier, but her voice is subdued when she asks him, "Please stop?"

He frowns a little and moves away. "Sorry, Natsuki."

"I-it's fine. Just... still not feeling great."

Sayori sighs and shakes her head. "I really hope that you'll feel happier tomorrow, Natsuki. I don't want you to feel so sad, alright?"

"Alright." She slings her backpack over her shoulder and begins the long trek home, sprinting ahead of some of the other students to make sure the two girls from earlier don't see her and starting sniggering at her like they did this morning.

MC is the one who always spends the most time with her at the club. He likes to tease the girls, Sayori because they've been friends and Yuri because it's amusing to see her get flustered. And then there's her, Natsuki. He'll tease her but once she responds with a biting tease of her own, or tells him to stop, he  _stops_. Not even an "it was just a joke", he'll stop and say sorry.

For once, she's not the one who needs to apologize.

Her legs are starting to grow sore from the long walk home, but stopping to sit down on a bench would mean a better reason for her father to accuse her of worse reasons to be late. She doesn't want to think about that so she counts the assignments she has for tomorrow's homework again and again and again in her head just to make sure she doesn't forget. Maybe if she gets good marks on her report card her father won't be so accusatory when she's late.

_Two math worksheets, a report about Tolstoy, one take-home quiz on osmosis. _One math worksheet, one paragraph about Tolstoy, one take-home quiz on osmosis. _One math worksheet, one paragraph about Tolstoy, one take-home quiz on-___

Natsuki fumbles for the house key but finds that the door opens on its own. She knows what's about to happen and her feet drag once she steps through the door and that means  _he's_ here and  _he'll_ interrogate her and-

"Why're you so  _late_?"

His arms are folded over his chest as he stares down at her. She can't detect any traces of alcohol, which make it worse even though they've mimicked this conversation too many times before.

"I-I... I was at the club again today-"

"The same club you've been going to for the past few days? The same club that's making you  _late_ to curfew? The same club that's responsible for your not getting full marks?" He's started to raise his voice.

"I'm  _sorry_. It's an afterschool club, where we stay late-"

"Young lady, if you aren't getting your  _work_ done in that place that what's the point of even going?!"

She storms past him to the kitchen table but he's still towering over her even as she shrinks into her seat. 

"It's a literature club. We write stuff and read and-"

"Natsuki, those kinds of activities aren't going to help you in your  _future_. Those kinds of little  _games_ aren't going to earn you a proper job or a spot at a decent college. You're making mistake after mistake in choosing to stay there-"

"I'm staying there because of  _you,_ okay?" she snaps. She starts to stand up from her chair. "I'm staying there because  _you're_ the one constantly nagging me for not being good enough, not being the 'perfect' daughter you wanted me to be raised as, because-"

_"You're the one making the mistakes here, YOU are the child and I am the adult and that is that, young lady."_

She doesn't see him raise his hand. She doesn't hear the sound ring out. But she feels the throbbing pain on the side of her face when his hand hits her face.

Natsuki stands there, holding a hand to her cheek. Now he doesn't have the alcohol to blame. She's not going to cry, she's not  _supposed_ to cry-

_"Natsuki-"_

She runs away and upstairs, slamming the door and dragging as many things as she can to keep it shut because she doesn't have a lock. Once the door is half-secured shut and she's sure she can't detect her father lumbering up the stairs, she collapses onto her bed to stare up at the ceiling.

Her room is faded pastel walls, a few dismal and sad-looking stuffed animals, furniture peeling white paint. Fading just like she is. Every day, she loses a little bit more of her color and it's because she's trying too hard or not trying hard enough.

But this is normal, she tells herself. Dad wants the best for me, doesn't he? That's why he'd do these things, right? Because he wants the best for her? And she's not doing enough, that's why her classmates hate her and why Yuri hates her and why she is  _nothing_ to Monika and-

The bruises from yesterday are still sore and brittle on her arms when she sits up and tiredly opens her folder to her math homework. She has work to do.

It doesn't matter if she wakes up the next morning with dark bags under her eyes. She has concealer for that.

It doesn't matter if she falls asleep in class and the teacher slams the ruler on her desk and she can hear laughter bounce around the classroom. She's used to that.

Nothing matters. Nothing matters. Nothing matters.

She doesn't matter. She has to  _earn_ respect from others, and she hasn't earned it yet.

And maybe, Natsuki thinks as she contemplates the answer to what 3(x-2)=30 is, she never will.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during Day 3 of the game, where Natsuki breaks down in front of MC and admits to having a bit of a 'bad day', for any clarification.
> 
> I'm familiar with a lot of the abuse patterns people will use. Never been abused by either of my happily-married, wonderful parents (thank God) - hell, today my mom and I went out to get some ice cream together - but I have dealt with bullying in the past. While I'm not going to specifically go into TOO much detail about this part of my personal life since talking too much about it makes me uncomfortable, I will admit that there was a lot of emotional abuse and manipulation involved.
> 
> I guess the reason Natsuki stood out to me so much as a character was because of the hinted emotional abuse founded in her character, specifically during Act 2. This abuse did come from within school rather than at home, but it still hurt. 
> 
> To those of you who are currently dealing with bullying or abuse, let me tell you something: You are going to encounter people who will treat you like shit. Those people are lowlife scumbags who are hypocritical in demanding such 'respect' from you yet never giving it. Be loud to those people, and only fight back when they physically hurt you first. Try and tell someone if you have that nagging doubt you SHOULD tell someone - your safety and wellbeing is genuinely important to me.


End file.
